Trans* Talk: Finding Joy
This month has been harrowing for Trans* folks all over the country, with the government shut down due to—among many other things—a disagreement between parties about Trans* healthcare expenses, a few troubling responses to the No Kings protests over the past weekend, and more medical misinformation being spread by the current administration. It has been a difficult news week.
This weekend, we here at The Echo were also alerted that several Trans* organizations that provide assistance and resources to the community were called out on social media and put on a governmental watch list. It’s hard to know exactly what that means and what we should prepare for—whether this will result in violence or simple fearmongering is impossible to know at this time. We are all just gritting our teeth and trying to hang on. It has been so easy to be overwhelmed by it all, to feel scared, to feel sad, to feel angry. In conversations with cisgendered friends, I find myself shutting down; even the most well-meaning and supportive group of friends feel distant—I cannot find the energy or words to explain what I feel. In reading about the experiences of other marginalized groups in America and abroad facing persecution and bias, this feeling seems common, a hill we must all surmount.
What I want to tell you is that the world is a beautiful and loving place, even when it feels on the verge of collapse. There are leaves to crunch, matcha lattes to drink, and dogs to pet. Joy feels out of reach, but I promise you it is there. You may feel alone, but you are not. It might feel hopeless, but we are making strides in the fight for our rights every day. The world is not full of evil; there are millions of people who are fighting with us and for us.
I have said this in nearly every Trans* Talk I have written: Trans* Joy is resistance. I believe that full-heartedly. Joy is not only what gets us through these dark times, it is also how we push back against people who would see us hurt. I am often asked how I find joy and today I want to share with you how I do it.
Jumbo cabbages at Carpinito Brothers Pumpkin Patch and Corn Maze (“My Cabbages!” -Avatar: The Last Airbender)
The Evergreen Echo
Parker’s Pro Tips for Joy:
Unplug. No, seriously. You might hear that advice on the internet all the time, but it really works! Even for just 30 minutes a day, get away from your phone/your laptop/your notifications. If you’re anything like me, you’re getting bombarded by 100 text messages, emails, and notifications every hour. Put them down. It feels hard to look away when you know there are terrible things happening in the world, but before you can take care of others or fight for them, you must take care of yourself.
Get away. Go outside or escape in a good book. Get out of your own head for just a little bit. Go to the pumpkin patch. Gaze upon the jumbo cabbages at the local farm. Drink strawberry lemonade. Watch the pigeons cross the sidewalk. Remind yourself that the world keeps spinning, and that there are things to see and do that are not on your phone or swirling thoughts in your brain.
Talk to someone. A friend, a lover, a parent, a sibling. You don’t have to talk about the news or what is troubling you (though these are good things too). You can just tell jokes, try to laugh, play a game. Do something creative with them. Paint, sing, dance. If you don’t have anyone in your life to do these things with, try finding a community event. Join a club or class. It gets easier to communicate with others the more you do it.
These may seem obvious, but once you consider doing them, you may realize that it’s been a while since you’ve let yourself be happy.
Something I’ve had to learn and relearn over many years of my life (and something I struggle with from time to time even now), is that being happy does not mean that you don’t care about what is wrong. In fact, being happy helps remind us of what we are fighting for. When I hold my partner’s hand, sit in a cozy café, read a good book and feel overwhelmed with love and joy for the world, it reminds me that this is what I write for, protest for, argue for. I want to be able to keep feeling that joy and I want others to be able to feel that joy too. I also remind myself that this joy is what others are trying to take from us and from other communities. I fight a hell of a lot harder knowing that.
During the height of the pandemic, while dealing with severe mental health issues, I wish someone had taken the time to shake me by the shoulders, told me to remember to be happy, to go outside, to connect. It’s incredible the difference that just a few moments of connection make. I wish someone had told me it was okay to put a band-aid on your own wounds before you try to help others. So, this is me (gently) shaking you! Go outside, be happy, be well.
In the infamous words of RuPaul, “If you don’t love yourself, how in the hell you gonna love somebody else? Can I get an amen?”
Stay safe and take care!
Do you have a Trans* story or question for Parker? parker@evergreenecho.org
