Max’s Musings: Reyna Biddy

All it takes is one poem to alter the course of your heart.

With Valentine’s Day right around the corner, this week was an easy pick for me. Although I have touched on a variety of love poems prior, I find myself with more poems and more thoughts budding through my psyche.

For discussion this week, I chose a poem from Reyna Biddy’s poetry collection, i love my love. Published back in 2015, I was exposed to her work for the first time in college during one of my poetry workshops. After reading it several years ago, I wanted to reread it with fresh eyes and an open heart.

Although the collection goes through ups and downs of self-doubt and self-confidence, Biddy reflects on her parents’ relationship as well as the greatest love of all: self-love. Biddy’s poem “for you” speaks to this ideal through a power anthem that invites the reader to act.

for you

You’re worthy. Of any and every kind of love.

You were made so delicately and beautifully.

Stop diluting yourself to fit the standards of anyone who is unable to see

how fucking perfect you are.

It’s not you, it’s them.

Don’t ever give anybody the power to define you,

alter who you are, or destroy you.

Your opinion about yourself is the only one that matters.

So fall in love.

As hard and as deep as possible—

with the only person who it makes sense to. YOU.

I found a renewed appreciation for Biddy and her collection. When I first read her work, I was not confident in myself, I was not fully out of the closet, and I never expected to have a boyfriend let alone a whole fiancé by my side. Rereading her book taught me to fall in love with myself daily. It is okay to reflect on one’s past but not let it “define you” or your love. 

In the poem “for you”, I am reminded of where I was, where I travelled, and where I am now. Insecurities are tricky things. Although it is hard to silence them all, it is crucial to not let them “alter who you are” or how you view yourself. It may be easier said than done, but it is not impossible when it comes to loving every part of yourself, flaws and all.

When I first came out, I was met with nothing but love and acceptance. Although this is not always the norm, I know there are people who do not understand or accept how I live my life and how I love. Biddy’s poem taught me how it is not up to me to explain to others why I love my fiancé or convince them our love is valid and real. My love for him flourishes “with the only person it makes sense to” and I will not apologize for it.

When you love yourself, you want other people to feel the same way about you. The speaker shares harsh and honest truths almost as a wakeup call for the reader “to see how fucking perfect you are”. The speaker passes on their own individual discoveries to keep the cycle of love going onward and upward. Humans are beautifully flawed and full of vast poetry.

i love my love by Reyna Biddy (paperback)

The Evergreen Echo

The poem places intrinsic value on one’s own voice and one’s own thoughts. When it comes to loving yourself, your voice is “the only one that matters”. When you submit to the world’s views of what is acceptable, it is easy to withdraw and retreat from yourself. When you silence the intrusive voices that bellow through your mind, self-love phases into reality. The poem instills a sense of order and restitution to set the reader on the lengthy road to self-love.

There has always been a stigma when it comes to love poems. What started as a way to express forms of love for another individual has evolved into a way to discover and hold on to the love for oneself. A love poem is a vital tool to show self-love.

As you prepare for Valentine’s Day, remember that it is a day for “any and every kind of love” including with yourself. You are your own first and last love.

Don’t waste time not loving yourself.